(Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not (Albert Einstein)
Most of the people on this planet earth remain in search of better opportunities and people who can bring life to them.
But there are few who want to fix someone else; their need to fix shattered people and things is far stronger than to complete themselves first. Mostly, women fall into this category of “superhuman beings” and their favorite target is men. To your surprise, women who fall into this group attract to, emotionally unstable, commitment & relationship-phobic, extremely unpredictable, stubborn, and men with quite cold behavior.
Not only this, women with such strong feminine feel (or to have such womanly powers) at times take riskier steps by attracting men with drugs, guns, alcohol, and even cheating men. The height of risk is her attitude of rejecting a simple man who approaches her and wants to marry and love her.
The women with this school of thought don’t want simple & innocent man, in fact, they love to accept challenges and meditates that she can turn a playboy into a loyal man, she can help him walk away from drugs, and can help him get over his commitment-phobic issues; so that he can get rid of emotional uncertainty that he has been carrying for years.
Such a woman thinks that this man needs her (even without his acknowledgment) and to leave this sensitive man, would be selfish and ruthless. Moreover, the sad news is when these superwomen find it difficult to do so; they blame themselves for not doing his counseling properly. The failure of their mission leads them to depression and misery.
If we consider some of the “case studies”, we see that no matter how much these emotional ladies changed themselves for HIM, experienced feelings from love to anger, dreams, desires to depression, influenced him, tried to inspire him, or did whatever game they thought would work, in the end, the guy didn’t change, so they unavoidably stressed themselves with broken hearts, lonely feelings and stuck in confusing situations that were really difficult to get out of… Sounds familiar?
On the flip side, the interesting rather funny part is that “The Man” has nothing to do with what the “Queen of fixers” has been fighting for. Though he didn’t ask to change himself, she has to do what she thinks is good for “us”. These women follow their pre-conceived mindset so strongly that they don’t give a damn if “He” actually desires an ideal superwoman or not?
The question is why they do so. Why & how do they think that they are the game changer? What is the thing that gives a thoughtful, strong woman and woman with great self-esteem, and selfless feelings? Why they bestowed some fabricated idea of power on themselves?
Well, there are dozens of answers to these puzzling questions. One is, these women turn the mirror towards someone else, instead of themselves. It not only seems egotistical but it means they are actually missing something in their own life. So, in order to hide the pain, fear, insecurities, and emptiness they try to fulfill the gap in terms of “helping” others. Because of her insecurities, she becomes extra possessive about him; the fear of losing him sucks actually. Maybe she feels more protected behind his false shield of so-called love. The reason to reject a simple man and attract a man with guns and with so much of an attitude is that she thinks he is brave enough, to protect and hide her from this cruel world; she is so far fighting alone, etc.
No matter how strong and independent a woman is, sometimes it’s useless to fight against this fucking dependency syndrome…
But remember that there is a line between selflessness and settling; instead of picking up his pieces, run away to settle yourself first.
However, spending your time, mind, energy, and feelings with someone else is a clear indication that you are not giving yourself enough time you truly deserve. So, you should not take someone as your “favorite subject” but as your favorite relationship; it’s better to consider yourself as his partner, not his mother, teacher, or preacher. Just stop deceiving yourself by thinking that “one day he will change under the umbrella of your immense love” or “your magical love stick will change him”; try to acknowledge that no matter if he changes himself or not has nothing to do with your happiness. You know what, whenever a woman follows her gut, nothing can beat her but the thing is, we mostly follow our heart, not our gut.
Though, it is pretty much understandable that you do all this because of his love; actually love makes you do that but my lovely ladies’ true love defines accepting the person as the way he is, not after your transformation. Moreover, the real man who is worth loving won’t let you hang and lean in to pick up his pieces. He knows that if you do, you’ll only hurt yourself.
Consequently, you have to come out of this “I can change him” Syndrome, to love you back, completely and madly. Self-awareness is far healthier than awareness of your ideal man or whatever.
If he’s not the man you want today, he won’t be the man you want for your tomorrow.
Moreover, never hate the wrong man, in fact, you should be thankful to him, because his love helps you in realizing your worth even more and admit the reality that you can’t change anyone else but yourself.
(Previously Written in 2017)
